Fear and respect are brothers
What is it about the human race that it so easily sees extended courtesy as a sign of weakness? One would like to believe that if a you are over twenty one and see yourself as an adult you don’t need to be treated badly before you react, respond or do your job that much better.
You would think that if someone is gentle and gracious, it is a spur to better production. But again and again the reverse is true. Leniency is seen as something to be exploited and very few people take that attitude as one they should certainly exploit, but do it positively to their advantage.
If you have a freewheeling boss who trusts you, use that time to make a career, not to con him or her.
Regrettably, respect is often predicated on fear and we are trained to work harder, be politer, produce more because that element exists. The carrot often loses to the stick.
This is especially true in the case of command positions. If you decide to extend a certain grace to the individuals who work under you and display that grace through tolerance and faith and certain loping friendliness you often find you are setting yourself up like a coconut. And they will shy something at you. It is incredible and even stupefying to the mind that most people will not only take advantage they will even lose respect. This is a genuine irony. The boss gives them the respect of treating them as mature and responsible and they return the compliment by losing respect for him?
Is it because we are still stuck in the primitive stages of development that we respond best to fear and retribution, reacting to being treated badly by producing instant results, our actions inspired by the need to save our mangy little hides. Evidently, for many of us fear is the key and the gentle approach is seen as ineptitude or unworthy of courtesy.
Be nice to someone and the odds are his behaviour towards you will change. The deference will evaporate, he will become cheeky even insubordinate. But produce fear and be brusque and he will hop like a bunny rabbit.
Again, there is also a secondary fault in the human psyche, one that makes us more comfortable to be led. It offers us a certain security if the person in command is somewhat nastier than us, as if that gives him a certain elevation and we can look up to him. Before I came to Dubai I worked on a paper where the General Manager always spoke gruffly and rudely to his team. Seldom a kind word or a display of trust. One day I couldn’t resist bringing it up. I asked him why he was so rude. What’s with you, I said, that you cannot be civil? He laughed and said, that is your problem, you don’t understand human nature, you don’t get the best out of people because you leave them to their own devices. That is giving too much credit. You think people are sincere, they are conmen, exactly the opposite. They are not afraid of you but this lot jumps when I say jump. What I do is that everyday I allot each one a quota of hassle. Like I’ll give him five hard times today. On a good day I make that three and he is grateful for the reprieve. Now, he respects me and he reacts to the ‘good day.’ What I ensure is that I never make it a hassle free day, that’s the trick.
That’s ghastly, I said, that’s just pathetic, you insult the intelligence.
But it works a lot better than your method of total faith in human nature, he says, you come off easy going and lax, it is the nature of the beast that it will exploit you, conspire, talk behind your back, lose the awe, misunderstand what you call professional courtesy as familiarity and that, in turn, will breed contempt. He went on; why do we admire bosses who are rough with us, why are we so eager to please them, to get some sliver of recognition, it is all fear based.
I have never understood it, even now, nearly twenty-five years later. Why would we exult in being contemptuous of anyone who allows us the freedom of movement and thought in our workplace? Yet, that GM was probably right because the evidence around us is so much in his favour. It is a fact that people like to be treated in a rough manner, it makes them feel more secure. Give them that freedom and they resent it because it demands a much higher level of maturity and as a reaction, they turn spiteful for the onus you have placed on them. Liberty is not a pleasant state.
0 comments:
Post a Comment